I can only see myself two ways. The first way I see myself is vivid and secret, because I can see the inside of myself. At every moment I see my emotions and my thoughts, which are the realest parts of me. No one else can see that. They can try, but they'll only guess.
The second way I see myself is through a mirror or a camera lens, which is a very limited way of seeing. My subconscious adjusts my face when I come across a mirror, and mirrors only show reversed images anyhow. Cameras freeze me and suspend my face and body in time. Do I look like that in motion? I can't say. I don't know.
I don't know how I walk or stand or sit. I haven't memorized my gestures and expressions. I don't even know the sound of my own voice, because it comes out strangely when I record it. How can I know myself so well without being familiar with my own voice, gestures, and expressions? Why are we incapable of seeing ourselves? It's a strange concept that frustrates and fascinates me.
Written by Lydia at 2:44 PM