Seeing Myself

I know my brother's face. I can visualize the expressions he uses when he is amused or annoyed. I see from his posture whether he is discouraged or jubilant. Bored or interested. Funny that I cannot say the same of my own face and body.

I can only see myself two ways. The first way I see myself is vivid and secret, because I can see the inside of myself. At every moment I see my emotions and my thoughts, which are the realest parts of me. No one else can see that. They can try, but they'll only guess.

The second way I see myself is through a mirror or a camera lens, which is a very limited way of seeing. My subconscious adjusts my face when I come across a mirror, and mirrors only show reversed images anyhow. Cameras freeze me and suspend my face and body in time. Do I look like that in motion? I can't say. I don't know.

I don't know how I walk or stand or sit. I haven't memorized my gestures and expressions. I don't even know the sound of my own voice, because it comes out strangely when I record it. How can I know myself so well without being familiar with my own voice, gestures, and expressions? Why are we incapable of seeing ourselves? It's a strange concept that frustrates and fascinates me.


  1. This. Is just so right:) I have thought about this before (though, not in depth) and it's very confusing and interesting. I absolutely know what's going on inside, but my outer shell? Na-uh. I mean, I can see my hands and body and feet, but... I'm a mystery to myself:)

  2. Very interesting perspective and so true. Not something we think about until we see a photo of ourself, etc. Thanks for sharing! Xo, M&K at brewedtogether.com

  3. Well, I tell Mime I know her better then she knows herself. (She disagrees. Disagreeable thing she is.) But it is true. I'm a bit strange though. I probably would be scared of myself if we got to know each other.

    Blog looks nice. ;) Does this mean it's staying alive a bit longer?

  4. Ps. I looovve your new blog header!

  5. hm. this is a really interest train of thought, i like it. i've wondered how others see me..one thing that i think must be interesting for actors is being able to *see* themselves more deeply than the normal-not-actor person..even though they're seeing themselves be someone else. they still see them. :)
    great post and i LOVE your eyes. i always have. they're gorgeous and your dark lashes kill me. ^_^

    and i think i said this already. but i *love* your header so much!

    1. Yeah, I've thought about actors watching themselves too. It must be a strange sensation.

      Thanks! :)

  6. Yes. I love these words.

  7. This is a really interesting train of thought...I wish I could see myself. It frustrates me as well. You have a truly beautiful way of writing. :)

  8. Wow, this is really interesting. I like your writing style. It's very raw and honest. So glad I found your blog!

  9. love this post. you've got me thinking there!