Beginnings Are Hard

"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy." -Anne Frank
     I might be falling apart a bit. I guess because I'm lonely. I guess because everything is different and nothing is different in a way that's wonderful.
     I have experience with this. I know that all beginnings are hard. But I forget the beginnings easily. It's when the beginnings are happening . . . that's when it feels like my life has been an endless string of them. That's when I start to feel impossibly weary. Weary of beginnings.
     Things come gradually. Everything works out gradually. But it's hard to see "gradually". It's hard to feel like anything is getting better when it's only gradually.
     Beginnings don't work out well right away. It's as though my real life evaporated . . . and now I have to make do with pieces that should fit together into a new life. But they don't. They're all separate and disjointed and wrong. And each little piece is a mountain and a battle. Something that I have to climb and fight and conquer. And it's hard. It just is.

     I wouldn't mind crawling in a hole and living there for a very long time. But I can't really do that. So I guess I'm just going to keep plodding. I guess I'm just going to focus on the things that hold me together. Like good books and long walks with Piper and beautiful music and colored leaves . . .
Currently Reading: The Book Thief, The Grace Awakening, and Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson

Not knowing when the dawn will come
    I open every door;
Or has it feathers like a bird,
    Or billows like a shore?
-Emily Dickinson

Bring Him Home by Jon Schmidt & Steven Sharp Nelson on Grooveshark
Arwen's Vigil by The Piano Guys on Grooveshark


  1. <3 <3 <3 I'm sorry, Lydia. I'll pray for you! *hug*

  2. I'm sorry, that sounds rough. I love the Anne Frank quote you posted with the picture, it's so true. Circumstances change constantly but the true joy you have inside is all that will keep things together!

    I hope your week looks up soon <3

  3. I agree. Beginnings are hard. And so are endings, and movings-on, and middles. I'm in an ending and it stinks. :(

    Music is good, eh? Music cures the soul, or was that salt water? Either way.

  4. I am sorry this beginning is rough so far. I will pray for you.Things will get better, they always do.:)

  5. And tea. tea helps lots.

  6. These are lovely words. I've been feeling like this often lately. I can empathize with you here. Not necessarily about beginnings though; something else.
    You WILL get through this time in your life. I find that praying gets me out of the rut I'm in. (God makes my life better)

    --> I wish you the best, Lydia. <3

  7. Dear Lydia,

    I'm definitely praying for you. I hope it's getting easier, as you go along. If you ever need someone to rant to, you can always send me an email. ;)

    By the way, this is random, but I would love to be your pen pal, if you do that sort of thing. *hopeful face* just let me know. I have a penchant for old fashioned letters instead of emails, but emails are a bit more practical.

    That picture is really beautiful, as if your writing. I'm wishing good books your way.
    P.S. Tell me how you like The Book Thief. I have read it, but I'm at a quandary as to what to think of it.

  8. Hey Lydia!
    I love the photo; so pretty. (and that quote is so true.)
    I understand what you're saying about beginnings—you have such a clear way of putting things into words, by the way. :)
    This just came to me, and I wanted to tell you about it: a little while ago, I heard a sermon preached about how big and amazing God is, and it was really awesome—the guy talked a lot about the stars and the universe, then went into some truly breathtaking stuff about the human body. At the very end of the teaching, he told this story about how one time when he was on tour, he met this molecular biologist who, long story short, told him about this 'cell adhesion molecule', a protein molecule called Laminin. How he described it, is it's “the glue of the human body”, and it basically holds together all the cells in your body. And this molecule is amazing. So you totally have to go to a new tab and Google image “Laminin”. Truly incredible. The stuff that holds the human body together.
    I just wanted to share that with you; it really blessed me, when I heard about it. :)
    You're always in my prayers. <3

    God bless,

  9. I feel the exact same way about beginnings. I always dread them. You word it so well! Also, I love The Book Thief and Emily Dickinson is one of my favorite poets. By the way, I love your blog. I'm following!
    Kristin @ Serendipity