4/28/2012

Sophistication Failures

This is what I imagine a sophisticated person to look like. Please note that they always drink tea, and they always wear lipstick and high hairdos.
     Do you ever try to be sophisticated? I'll admit that I've attempted it once or twice. I'll also admit that I completely fail at it. You want to know why? Okay. I'll tell you why. You're probably super sophisticated, so don't snort while you read this, or your ultra-sophistication will immediately vanish.

 I now present my recent un-sophisticated moments . . .

Moment 1) I wore my leather shoes to the zoo, and I almost gave myself blisters. I tried really hard not to whine, but I desperately wished for flip-flops.

Moment 2) We went out to eat at Wendy's with Grandma, Grandpa, and Uncle Chuck. I went to get Jason some ketchup, and I couldn't figure out how to use the ketchup thingy. Hey, I never eat ketchup, okay?

Moment 3) We went to a Peter Rabbit musical at the Ritz with our homeschool group, and I got stuck in the bathroom behind a whole bunch of little girls. When I finally got a chance to wash my hands, the soap bottle squirted two feet across the room, right onto my silk blouse. The paper towels were gone, so I wiped it off with toilet paper.

Moment 4) I cracked some of Sam's super hard caramel into fragments, and I sucked on them while I was studying Spanish. I leaned over to get something off the floor and I almost drooled on my textbook.

Moment 5) I stood around very awkwardly at youth group while the other girls talked about spray-on tans.

Moment 6) I threw a hissy-fit because Jason's cat vomited on my bed. Fortunately I wasn't in it, but I was soso furious! If he (the cat, not Jason) had been in the house, I probably would have murdered him.

Moment 7) I interviewed a guy from a litter cleanup crew, because I have to do field research for my research paper. We were driving by looking for garage-sales, and I mentioned something about my research paper when we drove past the litter crew. Mom and Dad said I should get out and talk to them, and I was horrified, but I did it. I almost choked on my own words because I was so nervous, and I think I confused him a lot. Anyway, now I have my field research. And for all that, I forgot to ask the guy's name. Hopefully the composition teacher won't hold that against me.

Moment 8) I made up a joke about cheetos at lunchtime, and nobody laughed. Then Ben asked what salsa dancing was and I told him that it's what happens when someone gets salsa up their nose. He was not impressed, and Sam made a face at me.

       Okay. I believe that proves my point. I am not sophisticated. Never will be, no matter how hard I try. I couldn't be anyway, because I refuse to wear lipstick and high hairdos every day ;)

6 comments:

  1. ROFLOL!!!!! I love it! I do that stuff like that all the time... I am just not brave enough to tell the whole world on my blog! :-D

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  2. oh dear this is so great!! I love posts like this. :)

    -Carli

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  3. First off Missy, the third definition of Sophisticated on Dictionary.com is "deceptive, misleading" in which you are not. 'Sophisticate' came from the word 'sophist', which means:

    "A person who reasons adroitly and speciously rather than soundly. "

    So just my opinion, but if you were a sophisticate I wouldn't think as highly of you as I do. ;-D That was really complicated.

    And the short of it is, everyone screws up the ketchup dispenser and dribbles stuff on their shirt. Even those sophist 20 year olds. xD

    -Jess that Nerdy Homeschooler

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  4. Hahahahahahaha!!!!!
    this made me laugh A LOT. you are hilarious.
    ^_^ <3 :D

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  5. Absolutely hilarious!! :) Life is fun, right? Embarrassing sometimes...but fun.

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  6. hahaha!! This made me laugh. :D

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