You think you’re better than me, don’t you? I’ve never seen anyone so self-admiring and superior. Honestly. It’s ridiculous. You even look superior when you lick yourself.
Cat, do you realize that human beings are the ones who feed you? They are the ones who give you water. They open the doors for you. They get rid of your litter, and vacuum your hair off of the furniture. They don’t do it because they are your servants. They do it because you are helpless. You are not as independent as you think you are, Cat.
I cannot imagine why I like you. I have never liked arrogance, and you are full of it. You are not a very nice cat. You do not believe in cuddling, and you think you are a wild and fierce jungle cat. Do you realize that you have little white paws and funny whiskers? You are a petite little kitty. You are not a lion or a tiger or a leopard.
I have many complaints about your behavior. First of all, Cat, I would strongly advise you to keep your claws in. Thank you very much. The next time you stick them in my thumb or the couch I am likely to strangle you.
And as for the way you treat my . . . Hey! Just what do you think you’re doing now? I am not impressed by your purring. And you can stop rubbing your head against my hands. Stop purring! I can’t concentrate. You think that’s funny? Stop disrupting me. I’m writing a letter to you. You are being very rude, Cat! Stop that. Stop now. Okay, fine. I give up. I hate you, Cat.